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Intimations Of Mortality

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The Tampa Tribune

Published: January 21, 2009

The realization scared me. I have children fast approaching what we used to call middle age. Two are in their forties. I am in my late sixties. Does that mean I'm old?

When does the middle end and the end begin? And does it matter? Numbers no longer tell us where we are. The fifties are the "new" forties. The sixties are now considered the "young old." I'm lost on the continuum and have decided to dump expectations and live more in each day.
Ruminations about age surfaced last week as we celebrated our son's 43rd birthday and welcomed our daughter's first child into the family. Hugging him and holding the baby brought so many things to mind.

I remember the day he was born, a dark-haired little seven-pound porcupine who asserted himself with vigor. His hair is a bit thinner now and has been invaded by silver threads. His weight has expanded, but his vigor remains intact. The graying beard and moustache declare emphatically that more than four decades have gone by.

Time has passed for both of us. Pictures of his birth reveal me as a young woman of twenty-five on the cusp of life's grandest challenge - parenthood. Last month, our daughter reached that milestone at the age of thirty-six, and I watched her assume the mantle of parental responsibility and again remembered both of us on the day of her birth.

But I think my husband captured the totality of my thoughts and feelings when, as he held the baby, he said with a look of amazement, "I just realized that I'll be 80 when she is 10!"

So when do milestones become millstones? And must that happen? I think not. For me, age is a matter of the mind. If you don't mind then it don't matter!

In today's world, the boundaries of youth, middle age and old age have become blurred as life expectancy expands. Many of our children are marrying later than we did and becoming parents when we were busy raising teenagers. Many of us are retiring before our parents did and doing things they never dreamed of.

I sometimes wish there were a GPS to tell us exactly where we are on the road of life, but that might take the fun out of watching our children mature, our skills find new applications, and our thirst for adventure prods us to new heights. Never mind where I'm headed. Look at where I am right now!

So, am I old? No, I'm not. No one grows old. We're old when we stop growing.

Judy Kramer can be reached by e-mail at JudyandOz@tampabay.rr.com.

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