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Knowing Who's In Charge

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The Tampa Tribune

Published: January 14, 2009

I saw the woman wheeling her little boy through the toy store just before the holidays. The store was jammed and he was a small blond chatterbox as she quickly pushed her cart with plan and purpose.

"Mommy! Mommy! I want that. Can I have that?" he begged as they passed each toy. "Mommy," he shouted over and over, pointing to every brightly colored box and toy they passed.

Mommy appeared to be in her 20s, a slender woman with long blond hair. As she passed me, she slowed down, pointed her finger at her distracted son to catch his attention and said with just the right amount of powerful indignation, "You are 2, and I am in charge!"(Emphasis on the "I") His response to her authority was instantaneous as he sat down in the basket and continued his ride in silence.

I couldn't resist sharing my admiration for her, and I walked over and said, "I love how you handled that! What you said and the way you said it was just perfect."

She smiled a warm smile and replied, "Thanks. Well, now he knows."

I had been in the toy store with my daughter Amy and brand new granddaughter Jayden. Chuckling to myself, I found them shopping for one of the millions of new things a three-week old needs. It was fun sharing what I had just witnessed with Amy. Looking directly at her and then down at Jayden, I pointed my finger at her and said with a mock-serious face, "You're 36 and I used to be in charge!"

And as the joking words came out of my mouth I heard the truth I had just spoken. I realized how critical it is to establish a line of authority with our children, and then to recognize when it is time to release control. I thought about all the times I had "let go" of Amy when she began to walk, when she went to school, when she went to summer camp, when she left for college, when she got married. Each time, she became more in charge of herself.

The moment and the message must have reached Amy as well. Looking down lovingly at her tiny new daughter, Amy said with similar mock-seriousness, "You're three weeks old, and I'm in charge!" It was a warm mother/daughter moment times two.

As I watch Amy pick up the mantle of those duties, I am respectful of her instincts and reflective about my own. It continues to amaze me how a fleeting moment in life can open so many doors, stir so many memories, and teach so many lessons. Amy and I call this one "the toy store lesson," and it continues to bind us both as women and mothers.

Judy Kramer can be reached at JudyandOz@tampabay.rr.com.

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