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The Wisdom Of My Bra

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The Tampa Tribune

Published: February 4, 2009

Like bulbs that are planted long before the anticipated blossoms arrive, the seeds of wisdom often are sown far in advance of need. When I was 12 and put on a bra for the first time, I had no way of knowing what a powerful teaching tool the garment was to become and how profoundly the wearing of it would change my life.

A bra meant so many things to me. Introducing a time table I had longed for, it confirmed my growing femininity. It announced my puberty. It recognized my budding sexuality. It anticipated my motherhood. It excited me. It embarrassed me. It thrilled me and it hurt.

It was tight around my middle and left red marks. The straps rubbed my shoulders. The hooks in the back felt scratchy. All in all, it was a wonderful painful experience. I was growing inside and out, and the bra confirmed it.

Self-consciously, I wore it to school, hoping no one could notice and praying someone would. I sat through classes acutely aware of its presence, of the tight band around my chest that expanded and contracted each time I drew breath. Then there was the obligatory boy who delighted in mortifying me by coming up behind me in the hallway, snapping my bra straps, and then racing off.

After weeks of regular washing and wearing, the discomfort began to ease and the awareness began to fade. Laundering and use stretched the new elastic. Tender skin began to toughen.

The bra and I got used to each other. Putting it on became a daily ritual I no longer even thought about. We habituated to each other.

With time, we also outgrew each other. It got older and stretchy. I got older and larger. And it is here that the seeds of wisdom were sown.

I had to buy a new bra. Although the thrill of wearing one was gone, I had to go through the process of breaking a new one in, of stretching the elastic with my body until we found a middle ground of comfort with each other.

I'm not sure at what point in my life I recognized the wisdom of my bra, but somewhere along the way, I suddenly realized that many new things in life hurt until they fit. Moving away to college does. Beginning a new job does. Letting go of adult children does. Retiring from work does. Growing old does.

It's only after a breaking-in period that some things get comfortable. Bras soften. We toughen. Time and use teach good lessons.

Every time I began a new job, I calmed myself with the thought that it was OK if it hurt until it fit. When my kids took on new challenges and struggled with adjustments, I reminded them that often it hurts until it fits. As my husband and I negotiate each new stage in our marriage, the lesson still applies.

Every challenge has its own red marks. Eventually they disappear, or we get used to them, toughen up and the pain stops. Like new shoes, or stiff jeans, or anything else we have to adjust to, give and take on both sides should eventually result in comfort, otherwise the size may be wrong.

That too is a lesson. Wisdom so often comes in strange ways from unusual places. Who would have thought that a bra could have so much to teach?

Judy Kramer can be reached by e-mail at JudyandOz@tampabay.rr.com.

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