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Smelling The Roses

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The Tampa Tribune

Published: November 19, 2008

In Part One entitled "Racing Through Life," I bemoaned the fact I had been the victim of hostile Type-A behavior on Sun City Center roads and elsewhere in our wonderful town. I suggested that perhaps we could use a course in town describing the dangers of a Type-A personality and teaching techniques to stop being one. I shared that I had been one in my younger years and still struggle with its problems. The rest of this column discusses the happy ending I've had.

With my husband's encouragement, I went to my first Type-A therapy session. I was nervous and sitting on the edge of my chair; this was pointed out to be a very Type-A characteristic, demonstrating a hurried eagerness. There were about 12 men and women present from all walks of life - a bank president, a newspaper reporter, the head of personnel at a local General Motors facility, a housewife, etc. The session was opened by a prayer, which I thought strange for a therapy session unconnected with any religious organization.

"Most of you have lost the spiritual nature to your being. Regardless of your religion, most of you probably believe in a higher supreme power. When is the last time you've worshipped that entity? You need to put worship and thankfulness or meditation back into your life. We will always start with a prayer, and we suggest you do so in your everyday life."

The sessions were filled with discussions of areas in our lives where we were going wrong, were out of step with the norm, or were not exhibiting healthy behavior. Every session ended with an exercise to practice in the coming week. I remember vividly the first assignment - we were to drive all week in the slow lane and not to exceed the speed limit. I said, "There's no way I can do this. I'll be late for appointments. It's such a waste of time to go slow."

"Let me tell you my experience," the psychiatrist offered. "I liked to drive fast, too. In fact, when I would drive to work on the beltway, I would pretend I was a race car driver. If I could pass 32 other drivers in rush-hour traffic in the time it took me to get to work, I considered myself a winner. It was a little game I played each day."

When asked how he learned to stop playing the game, the group leader said, "I did the same exercise I'm asking you to do, and it worked. And, you know, I've never been late to work! You must begin thinking of driving to work as a time to relax. There are no phone calls coming in. (This was before the proliferation of cell phones.) There's no one to interrupt your train of thought. Just get in the slow lane and pay attention to traffic. Don't use the time to make lists."

That last comment rang a bell for me. I always had my "to do" list in the passenger seat and used the time driving to work to add items to it.

That week I worked very hard on driving the speed limit, most of the time in the slow lane. How difficult that was! But how relaxing! Slowly but surely, with lots of practice, I became a convert. I now almost always drive the speed limit and let other drivers merge into the traffic flow in front of me.

Through group discussions, lectures by our leaders, and practiced exercises, I slowly learned to drop or lessen a lot of my Type-A behaviors. By year end, I had learned to walk slowly, to take 10-minute breaks every hour at work, to talk slowly, to show love and respect to loved ones, and to practice a myriad of other healthy behaviors too numerous to mention. I learned a Type-A has a core of hostility that probably goes back to some difficulty with the parent of the opposite sex. This was definitely true in my case.

I learned I can still be organized, efficient, and proficient without a lot of unhealthy behaviors. I learned I can be a success without being a Type-A. I became friendlier and began to have more friends. I perceived people liked me more.

Just as alcoholics do, I consider myself a "recovering" Type-A. I sometimes slip back into my old patterns, especially when I'm tired, hungry, or stressed, but with the training I learned, I can quickly call a halt to destructive behavior. It was a year well spent -- difficult but rewarding.

So to my friends and fellow residents of Sun City Center, I say let's slow our lives down. We will all be safer and happier if we do. And we just might live longer, if there's anything to this Type-A personality business. As they say, slow down and smell the roses.

Rosie Clifton is the author of "Kissing Lots of Frogs, a Long Journey to Love." Visit her Web site at rosieclifton.com.

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