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Better Living Through Chemistry

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The Tampa Tribune

Published: December 17, 2008

When I was working long, hard hours in my career, the doctor told me my medical woes were due to stress. Then when I retired and gained quite a bit of weight -- understatement of the year -- my aches and pains were due to being overweight, according to the Doc. Now the doctors are starting to use the "O" word, OLD, as the cause of my maladies.

Oh, there are the tactful doctors, like Dr. Patrick, a dermatologist here in Sun City Center, who calls the unusual spots on my body "maturity spots" and as an alternative, he uses "wisdom spots." Evidently, I'm very mature and very wise, as I have lots of spots. A new kind is cropping up on my forearms; it looks like a bruise but doesn't go away. Dermatologists have a cream for it, though, to "toughen up my skin" - another amazing medicine!

Some doctors aren't quite as gentle as Dr. Patrick. A local gastroenterologist who performed my colonoscopy told me I had a fatty liver. I said, "Oh, great! Now my internal organs are ugly too!" I didn't like the "fatty liver" term as I hate words that have to do with my too-abundant size. I asked him what the problem was, as no one can see my ugly fat liver and so I don't need to be embarrassed by it. Sparing all niceties, he said, "A fatty liver leads to cirrhosis; lose 10 percent of your weight immediately, or you'll die a very painful death." He immediately left the room, and I immediately lost 10 percent of my weight. Sometimes scare tactics do work.

My poor husband, who was at home and who has been sick for many years, was prescribed every medicine on the market, it seems. At one time he was on 27 medicines a day. Yes, 27! We laughed that he had a medicine for every body part, and that wasn't far from the truth. We figured it was better to laugh than cry.

Drugs do lots of good for seniors. And I'm not talking about the kind you buy on street corners in certain sections of some towns. I'm talking about prescription medicines. My eye doctor told me that I'm in line for glaucoma. When I asked if I weren't a little young to be getting glaucoma, he gave the tactful answer, "We're detecting it earlier with better tests than in the past."

Remembering my grandmother's fate when she fell down her basement stairs, due to her reduced eyesight because of advanced glaucoma, I was quite concerned about my own future. As she died not too long after that fall, I do believe it was the beginning of the end for her. So with great trepidation, I asked the doctor how long I had before I would have difficulty seeing. He answered in the most unconcerned, matter-of-fact way, "Don't worry. As long as we test you every six months, when we detect glaucoma, we'll start you on one drop a day per eye. You won't have trouble seeing." I'm glad for the better medicine now than in my grandmother's day; however, I don't take chances - I never miss keeping my eye appointment. Recently, a friend told me she has had glaucoma for 25 years and sees just fine.

This article is appropriate for this day and age - there is better living through the wonders of chemistry. And it looks as if I'll be one of the lucky recipients of the advances, at least in the area of glaucoma.

However, I guess I'm stuck with "old" as a diagnosis. I'm lucky, it could be a lot worse. The good news is the doctors haven't yet started blaming my ills on senility.

Rosie Clifton is the author of "Kissing Lots of Frogs, a Long Journey to Love." She may be reached at rosieclifton.com.

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